It's been almost three years since this incident but I thought about it today and my memory was so clear that my heart raced and the hairs on the back of my neck raised and I wanted to screen "YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW ME, B****!" And of course include a chest pound and springy jump step for good measure.
At the time of reminiscing I was alone in Logan airport leaving Boston after a lovely girls weekend (another post, maybe!) my fight response was only *slightly* out of whack. But the memory was interesting and made me really think.
About three years ago after the birth of E and before I was pregnant with L, I went to a craft/fabric store to buy a few things to finish a diaper wreath I was making for a friend. While there I was drawn to a set of Tervis tumblers on sale in the check out line. I picked out two (We love these cups. We haved used other Tervis' for years. And they were on sale and I had coupons ...and really none of that should matter because I'm a grow ass women and I wanted to buy them with my very own adult money!).
Two older women behind me in line launched into a conversation about how redicidiulus these cups are and so expensive. Since they made no attempt to have a private conversation I chimed in. Light hearted I said something like "We love these. They really hold up, we've had some more than 5 years and they are in great shape. And don't forget you can use your store coupon on them..." It was my turn to check out. I walked toward the register. They resumed thier conversation and said how this "younger generation" didn't value money the same way! And didn't understand hard work. And were irresponsible with thier money...and that's the problem with America these days.
I was red in the face. I was shaking. You don't even know me! Irresponsible?! What's wrong with America? I've had a job that required a W-2 since I was 16 and babysat for years before that. I paid for 90% of college on my own (by working!) and bought my first house at 23 instead of continuing to pay rent.
Irresponsible?! At the time my husband and I had paid off both of our student loans and had zero debt outside of one of the two cars and our house. And money not withstanding, we vote! We donate our time talent and treasure. We are a long way from what is wrong with America! How dare she!!!
They continued talking. I was standing right there! After checking out, I turned and said something like "Your comments are offensive to me. You don't even know me or what I'm like with my money."
The primary woman was genuinely shocked. Blown away that I was offended. I was shaking so badly I couldn't even continue a conversation. I walked out of the store.
I paced in the parking lot, thinking of all the things I should have said, how I shoud have educated her about the "younger generation". But I calmed down and got in my car. I had other places to be.
And today 3 years later I honestly don't know what made me think of that. A glance form a stranger? A dismissal from a shop manager while we wondered in Boston this weekend? Does it even matter. Clearly my fight response from the memory indicates I HAVE ISSUES with being or being perceived irresponsible. It's me. Not her. Not you. I was mad that she made assumptions about me. Mad she judged me without knowing me. Mad she didn't even know me. Mad. I was mad. Those are my feelings to work through.
The next time you make a quick assessment of someone, remember you don't even know them. And I'll try to remember, you don't even know me. How could you, I barely know myself.
I'm still working on it.
